With Father's Day approaching, this is the time of year when many men are thinking about their fathers, and unfortunately many of our memories are bittersweet. While fathers and sons can have strong positive bonds, all too often the father-son relationship is characterized by conflict.
Psychologists tell us that fathers and sons clash due to factors like inborn need for dominance. Also, fathers often desire to live out their lives through their sons, and have expectations regarding which occupations are appropriate for them. Sons often feel they must rebel and defy their fathers to find their individual identity.
Father-son conflict is the subject of many stories and movies. “Field of Dreams” is one popular example. Ray Kinsella (Kevin Costner) is a farmer who plows under his cornfield to create a baseball diamond after hearing a prophetic-like voice say, “if you build it, he will come.” We find out that at the age of 14, Ray had a falling out with his father and stopped playing catch with him. Then at 17, following another argument, Ray left home. He never reconciled with his father or saw him again.
At the end of the movie, we discover that the “he” who will come is none other than Ray’s father. The movie ends with Ray and his father reconciling over a game of catch. The real theme of the movie is the dream each man carries to be validated and approved by his father.
My personal favorite father-son conflict is from the series Star Trek, and involves the half-Vulcan half-human Mr. Spock, and his father Sarek. There is ongoing strain and uneasiness between the two, largely due to the fact that Spock can never be completely Vulcan, and Sarek can never completely accept his son’s humanity. Added to this, is the fact that Spock turned down the opportunity to attend the Vulcan Science Academy in order to join Starfleet as an officer, causing a 20 year rift. The disharmony between the two is a persistent inner sorrow that each carries throughout life.
One of the most famous stories in the Bible concerns father-son conflict between King David and his son Absalom. Absalom becomes upset following the rape of his sister Tamar by his half-brother Amnon, because David largely overlooks the offense. Absalom arranges for some servants to kill Amnon at a feast, and then flees the country.
After 3 years, Absalom returns to the capital Jerusalem, but remains estranged from his father. In fact he hates his father, gatherers an army, and David is forced to flee the capital to save his life. The two go to war and Absalom is killed by David's commander. David is so overcome with grief at the death of his estranged son, that he continues to mourn the rest of his life.
God knew the strength and indissolubility of the ties between fathers and sons. He understands how we are created better than we do. This is why He commands us to “Honor your father and mother that it will be well with you and you will live long upon the land.” We do not have to love or even like our fathers, but God insists that we esteem and respect them. In positively affirming the tie with them in this way, we validate our own existence and release a blessing over our life.
Father God wants every aspect of your life to be fulfilled. This year, determine to honor your father, even if it is only his memory. As Mr. Spock so frequently put it, make the decision to “Live Long and Prosper.”
Please join us this Sunday at 9:00 AM or 11:00 AM. We are continuing our series on families, and my topic this week is “How to Have a Great Marriage Part 2.”
Pastor Che
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