Live Long and Prosper!

With Father's Day approaching, this is the time of year when many men are thinking about their fathers, and unfortunately many of our memories are bittersweet. While fathers and sons can have strong positive bonds, all too often the father-son relationship is characterized by conflict.

Psychologists tell us that fathers and sons clash due to factors like inborn need for dominance.  Also, fathers often desire to live out their lives through their sons, and have expectations regarding which occupations are appropriate for them. Sons often feel they must rebel and defy their fathers to find their individual identity.

Father-son conflict is the subject of many stories and movies. “Field of Dreams” is one popular example. Ray Kinsella (Kevin Costner) is a farmer who plows under his cornfield to create a baseball diamond after hearing a prophetic-like voice say, “if you build it, he will come.” We find out that at the age of 14, Ray had a falling out with his father and stopped playing catch with him. Then at 17, following another argument, Ray left home. He never reconciled with his father or saw him again.

At the end of the movie, we discover that the “he” who will come is none other than Ray’s father. The movie ends with Ray and his father reconciling over a game of catch. The real theme of the movie is the dream each man carries to be validated and approved by his father.

My personal favorite father-son conflict is from the series Star Trek, and involves the half-Vulcan half-human Mr. Spock, and his father Sarek. There is ongoing strain and uneasiness between the two, largely due to the fact that Spock can never be completely Vulcan, and Sarek can never completely accept his son’s humanity. Added to this, is the fact that Spock turned down the opportunity to attend the Vulcan Science Academy in order to join Starfleet as an officer, causing a 20 year rift. The disharmony between the two is a persistent inner sorrow that each carries throughout life.

One of the most famous stories in the Bible concerns father-son conflict between King David and his son Absalom. Absalom becomes upset following the rape of his sister Tamar by his half-brother Amnon, because David largely overlooks the offense. Absalom arranges for some servants to kill Amnon at a feast, and then flees the country.

After 3 years, Absalom returns to the capital Jerusalem, but remains estranged from his father. In fact he hates his father, gatherers an army, and David is forced to flee the capital to save his life. The two go to war and Absalom is killed by David's commander. David is so overcome with grief at the death of his estranged son, that he continues to mourn the rest of his life.

God knew the strength and indissolubility of the ties between fathers and sons. He understands how we are created better than we do. This is why He commands us to “Honor your father and mother that it will be well with you and you will live long upon the land.” We do not have to love or even like our fathers, but God insists that we esteem and respect them. In positively affirming the tie with them in this way, we validate our own existence and release a blessing over our life.

Father God wants every aspect of your life to be fulfilled. This year, determine to honor your father, even if it is only his memory. As Mr. Spock so frequently put it, make the decision to “Live Long and Prosper.”

Please join us this Sunday at 9:00 AM or 11:00 AM. We are continuing our series on families, and my topic this week is “How to Have a Great Marriage Part 2.”

Pastor Che

… Happily Ever After?

"Faith… Family… Ducks"   That's the motto of the hottest new reality show, "Duck Dynasty," It follows the daily activities of the Robertson clan, a tribe of rednecks from West Monroe, Louisiana, who turned homemade duck calls into a multimillion dollar business. It's been called "a family sitcom with shotguns," and ended its current season with ratings higher than CBS’ "Survivors," and Fox’s "American Idol."

It's popularity has left entertainment insiders baffled and fumbling for possible explanations. Some suggest the novelty of the family's lifestyle, the setting in rural Louisiana and the outdoor "he-man" emphasis of a bearded family patriarch and his 4 bearded sons has been the formula for success. Others suggest it is the authenticity of the central characters and the dynamics between them that is serving up the magic. I have watched the show once and was very impressed, especially because I don’t necessarily watch reality TV.

I tend to agree with those who emphasize that the show is uplifting, appropriate for family viewing and full of family values like love and loyalty to each other. Each program leaves the viewer feeling good and ends with the family together at dinner, holding hands and saying grace. It's a picture of a group of people devoted to one another, their family business and their shared faith in God.

There just may be something about a family lifestyle that's solid, dependable, supportive and committed, that is highly appealing. I am reminded that another family focused reality show that my wife Sue follows, "19 Kids and Counting," is starting its 11th season. It demonstrates that shows about loving, functional families are not only popular, but have staying power in an industry where most shows don't last more than 2 or 3 seasons.

I think these families model something that as humans we all value and desire: to belong, that is to be loved and accepted for who we are, and to be significant, to have personal worth and be important to someone else. I think that Father God created us with these very legitimate desires and designed the family as the primary method for fulfilling them. The family is His idea, and He intended that we would find our acceptance and worth within a loving family context.

After the creation of Adam and Eve, Father God's first words involve the creation of family. He blessed them and said, "Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and govern it. For this reason a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two of them are united into one flesh." (Genesis 1:28a; 2:24) Family is designed by God to be our foundation, both as individuals and as a society.

In our present-day era of fragmented families, single parent families and 50% divorce rate, many of us are struggling to find that elusive sense of belonging and self-worth. For the first time ever, there are more single adults than married adults in our population. Especially among the young, the so-called millennial generation, there is great skepticism about the desirability of marriage. It would appear that the myth of "happily ever after" has been completely dispelled.

But Father God intended that we would find deep satisfaction, fulfillment and even joy in marriage and family. He did more than that; He told us how to obtain it.

Come join us this Sunday at 9:00 AM or 11:00 AM. We are continuing our "Family Mountain Series." I will be speaking on "How to Have a Great Marriage."

Pastor Che

Discipline: Who Needs It?

When you hear the word “discipline,” what comes to mind? Do you remember being hit, yelled at, ridiculed, put in timeout or grounded? Do you feel anger, fear, resentment, shame, sadness or the desire for revenge? For many, these are common reactions to the word discipline.

I doubt that very many of you feel love, gratitude, or appreciation when you hear “discipline.” This is because for most of us discipline is synonymous with punishment. We did something wrong or something our parents disliked, so they inflicted some type of pain or suffering on us. Too often, punishment is administered in the heat of anger, leaving both physical and emotional wounds on children. We feel worthless, rejected, abandoned, alone and alienated from the source of love.

Often these negative feelings follow us into our adult life and affect the ways we respond to instruction by authority figures such as teachers, employers, coaches etc. Our resentment over discipline is expressed in negative attitudes to police, military and elected officials, even the IRS! For some people, their negative attitudes and behaviors are so severe that they keep them in constant conflict with legal authorities, and spend years of their lives incarcerated.

But discipline is not punishment. The goal of punishment is retribution or payback. The goal of discipline is to provide training that corrects and molds character. While being corrected doesn't always feel good, discipline instructs and teaches frequently before an infraction occurs, as well as after. It seeks to instill self-discipline within the individual, so they can operate by making decisions based on principle, and not just be driven by their impulses. This form of behavior is essential for success in any area: athletics, academics, career, relationships of all types, etc.

When people are disciplined in this way they know they are loved, wanted, valued and worth their parents’ time and attention. True discipline gives children a positive self-image, respect for themselves and others, and a sense of personal responsibility and competence. Loving discipline is one of the best gifts a parent can give to their child.

Who needs this type of discipline? We all do!

Father God recognizes our ongoing need for discipline, and He lovingly seeks to provide it before we run into difficulty. Psalm 94:12 reminds us, “Blessed is the person you discipline, oh Lord, the person you teach from your law.” The Bible admonishes us to receive discipline. “The person who ignores discipline despises themself, but whoever heeds correction gains understanding.” (Proverbs 15:32)

Father God's preferred method of discipline is through teaching and instruction. He tells us in Proverbs 4:20–22: “My child, pay attention to what I say. Listen carefully to My words. Don't lose sight of them. Let them penetrate deep into your heart, for they bring life to those who find them, and healing to their whole body.”

Too many of us still see Father God as punitive and vindictive. But what does He really think of punishment? Actually He warns parents about the long-term damages of harsh punishment. “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4)

Start spending time in God's word. It's full of teaching and instruction that provides you with life-giving discipline that will bring you success. The book of Proverbs is a great place to start.

Please come join us this Sunday at 9:00 AM or 11:00 AM. Pastor Karl Malouff will be preaching on "Building Lasting Relationships" as we continue our series on “The Family Mountain”.

Honoring Mom

Mother-love has a face…And for our children, it’s my wife, Sue.  Last year our children shared memories of Mom’s love from their childhood in my Mother’s Day sermon.  This year they wanted to honor her from an adult perspective, for Mother-love never diminishes. It continues throughout all the seasons of life.  So for you, Sue, with all our love…

Joy and Kuoching:  As a new mom to our 3 month old Annabelle, my image of “mom” has drastically changed. Raising our daughter is bringing a greater appreciation for Mom and how she continually sacrifices for our family. I never knew it was possible to love so deeply until I had my own child. I now realize, the love of a mother only grows with time. There is nothing in the world that our mom won’t do to sacrifice, lay down her life, and give us the very best. She puts her time and value into the family above personal gain and interests. Her love is unconditional. She masters the fine dance between strength and grace, courage and kindness. Mom is my mentor, and a source of encouragement, protection and dedication. She prays fervently and is ready to war on our behalf- she is truly super woman! In essence, Mom’s love reminds us of Jesus.

Grace and Steve:  One of the most beautiful attributes about Mom is her undeniable FREEDOM in every area of her life. She is the most free woman we know!  She is free to love others unconditionally, even if it is never reciprocated.  She is free to trust the Lord with all her heart, in spite of her circumstances.  She is free to lay her life down for her family, knowing she is leaving a legacy.  She is free to laugh, cry, sing, dance, and shout, and couldn't care less about what others think.  Some say it's her outgoing personality. Others say it's her hysterical sense of humor.  But we say it's her freedom.  We love her for that. 

Mary:  My mom is the most prophetic person I know. There has not been one day that has gone by that she has not used her prophetic voice. Even the other day I told her that the Lord spoke to me to decline a wonderful opportunity. Her response was "I know, God told me too, but you had to hear from Him yourself." That's my mom. She is always empowering us to have a personal relationship with Jesus and to listen to the heart of God. My mom on countless occasions throughout my life has challenged me to be slow to speak and quick to listen to Holy Spirit. Her yearning and ability to sit and listen at the feet of Jesus is a lifestyle that I am continually pursuing. 

Gabriel:  If there’s one phrase that describes my mom best it’s “Sacrificial Love!” My mom, without a doubt, is the most tangible example of God’s love for me. Her love is not dictated by circumstance or condition. It's not determined by how well I behave or perform. It’s freely given because she has always made the choice to put me before herself. And she doesn’t just fulfill my needs as a son, but she goes above and beyond to help me fulfill my dreams and desires. There is absolutely nobody like her in the world, and I love her with all my heart!

Mother’s Day is about honoring Mom…every Mom.  To honor means to value and respect.  Honor is love in action.  So put your love in action and honor your Mom today. Do something special to let her know how much you value her!

Please join us this Mother’s Day Sunday at 9:00 AM or 11:00 AM.  My sermon is “Mothers Day, Everyday: How to Love and Honor Your Mother on a Daily Basis.”

Pastor Che

Family Matters

Anyone past the age of 20 will remember Steve Urkel, that nerdy kid with glasses and suspenders who lived next door to the Winslow's in the successful sitcom “Family Matters.” While not a member of the Winslow family, Urkel is so intertwined with them that he might as well have been kin. And the Winslows put up with his quirky behaviors as if he were family.

Shows depicting family life have been extremely popular ever since television began, and they reflect the changing nature of our family and social life. Early shows like “Leave it to Beaver” and Father Knows Best,” were based on the nuclear family, a working father, homemaker mother and children. But as divorce increased, shows like the “Brady Bunch” with the theme of a blended family began to be aired.

Over the years, other forms of family have appeared on TV, including a single father raising 3 daughters in the sitcom “Full House,” a transgenerational family in “Parenthood,” and groups of friends bonded and functioning like families in “Friends,” “Seinfeld,” and “Sex and the City.”

“Modern Family” is one of the latest repackagings of the American family, with the patriarch remarried to a young immigrant wife. He is starting a new second family, while his adult son and male partner start their own family by adopting a Vietnamese daughter.

Why do shows about families remain so popular? Clearly, we can all relate to some concept of “family,” but why do families matter? It was Aristotle around 350 B C who first noted that, “humans are social animals.” It was clear to him that humans sought commonality and connection with each other.

Anthropologists tell us that humans began establishing social networks primarily out of the need for safety and survival. Groups of humans could hunt and gather food better together than in isolation. Human infants, being helpless and dependent, require care and protection for many years and that is more easily provided by a group structure. Social scientists have observed that all societies organize relationships of enduring solidarity, particularly those based on primary biological kinship such as parent-child and extended family ties. However strong kinship ties based on non-biological factors such as cohabitation, adoption and companionship are also common.

So does family matter merely because it helps to ensure our survival and provides security through feelings of kinship? Is this why we continue to form families whether through biological ties or bonds of friendship? If so, why are we so bitterly disappointed and suffer so much when we feel let down by our family for years after we no longer need them for our personal survival?

Perhaps we need to look somewhere other than anthropology and sociology for the answer to why family matters. It might be helpful to look to the originator of the human family, Father God Himself. He is the one who created the family by establishing its structure and blessing its functioning. It is the nucleus of community bonding that expresses the loving heart of Father God and reflects His commitment to us. It is the foundation where Father God intended we would grow into the maturity of being people formed in His image.

Please join us this Sunday at 9:00 AM or 11:00 AM. We are beginning a new series, The Family Mountain, and my wife Pastor Sue will be speaking on “The First Family”.

Pastor Che