“Let's Do Lunch…”

When I first moved to Los Angeles from the East Coast in the 80s, it took time for me to understand that when someone said, “let's do lunch,” they weren't inviting me to share a meal. You see in LA, “let's do lunch” is a socially accepted way to end a conversation, just as “Hi, how are you?” is to open one. It has the appearance of an invitation, but no substance.

I've increasingly noticed these days that many relationships, even in the church, are the “let's do lunch” variety. They look like friendship, but they really aren't. They are superficial, casual and temporary. They are relationships of convenience, not commitment. They are often built around shared experiences, and much of the conversation centers on movies, sports, tastes in music, tech toys etc. When there is a challenge or controversy, they often dissolve rather than weather the circumstances.

These “let's do lunch” relationships can't be very satisfying to the people engaged in them. Real relationships involve sharing your true self with someone else and being there for them. They require vulnerability and the risk of possibly being hurt, but provide the tremendous reward of being loved and accepted for who you really are.

Psychologists tell us that we gain a sense of fulfillment in intimate relationships with others. They identify 3 factors that characterize intimate relationships: closeness, communication, and commitment.

Closeness involves mutual self-disclosure. We allow our friend to see us as we truly are, and they do likewise. There is vulnerability to be sure, but also a sense of mutual acceptance. We don't have to wear a mask and try to be someone we are not. Someone else really knows us, flaws and all, and accepts who we are.

Communication means that we are able to say how we feel, whether positive or negative. We share happiness and high moments of success, but also feel free to share discouragement and times of sadness with each other.

Real relationships are built on commitment. We are loyal to one another through the difficult times as well as the good ones. Real friends confront one another when necessary and work through differences. They don't vanish when the going gets tough.

Real relationships are “let's do life” relationships. They are substantial and have depth and staying power. It's not surprising that Father God, who created us, also gives us instruction in how to have real relationships. In Galatians 6:2, He tells us to help each other carry our burdens, and be patient with each other's faults. In Romans 12:15, we are advised to be available in good times and bad. We are to be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep.

Jesus told His disciples not to disappear when they encountered difficulties in a relationship. Instead, He advised them, “If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back.” (Matthew 18:15)

Father God is committed to “let's do life” relationships. Jesus assures us that His relationship with us is true friendship. “There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's friends. Now you are My friends, and I have told you everything that the Father told Me.” (John 15:13, 15) He went on to prove himself a true friend by dying on the cross for each one of us. If you have never accepted His offer, I hope you will receive His gift of love for you today, and find in Him a “let's do life” friend.

Come join us this Sunday at 9:00 AM or 11:00 AM. My sermon is, “The Family of God” which is a community of “let's do life” relationships.

Pastor Che