Do Something!

As a pastor, because people come to me so frequently seeking advice and counsel, it would be easy to believe that I know more than I do. I determined years ago when I first entered the ministry, that I would stay teachable, that is, open to consider the wisdom of others no matter who they might be. And over the years I have found that wisdom can come from unlikely sources, even children, and even my dog, Madison.

Madison is our English mastiff. She's light tan in color with a ferocious bark that sounds like she's going to swallow you whole. But that's just show. Madi is really 150 pounds of slobbering affection. When I can, I try to take Madi out for some exercise, which is usually a walk. Not a power walk mind you. Madi and I prefer to saunter leisurely.

A few weeks ago, Madi and I were making the rounds in our neighborhood and came upon a homeless man sitting in the shade of a tree. We were a block away when I spotted him, and I'm ashamed to say I started to cross the street to proceed down the other side, simply to avoid an encounter. But I was too late. Madison also spotted him, and began panting in anticipation, pulling on the leash. You see, Madison loves to meet and greet people. It's hard to resist 150 pounds incessantly pulling on your arm, so I gave in and continued down the sidewalk.

I mumbled, “Hello,” as we approached, but Madison lunged forward planting several huge slobbery dog kisses on his face. I was going to apologize for Madison's behavior, when the man began petting her and laughing out loud.

“That's a great dog you got there,” he said. “What kind of dog is it? I'm not sure I've ever seen a dog that huge!” We spent the next few minutes mostly talking about dogs. I explained how mastiffs are ancient watchdogs, but very loyal and affectionate. He told me about dogs he had owned, mostly shepherd collie mixes. We laughed together as we each exchanged a few humorous stories about our dogs

I suddenly felt very self-conscious, realizing I was talking to a homeless person and I had nothing to offer him. “Hey, I'm really sorry, but I don't have any money on me right now,” I mumbled apologetically. The man immediately replied, “That's okay.” Then he looked up at me with the most sincere blue eyes, and with a soft voice said, “Thanks for the conversation man. I really appreciate it.”

I continued walking with Madi down the sidewalk, but I realized I had just learned a valuable lesson. I only saw the man's poverty and his need for money. Madison saw a human being, someone to greet and give affection to, just like anyone else. All I did was talk with that man, but he appreciated so much the simple act of being seen and interacted with like a regular person.

My wife and I support relief programs around the world, and I travel for our own Harvest International Ministry (HIM), feeding and clothing orphans in a number of countries. But that day I realized that I don't always “see” the poor. I see their needs, but I don't encounter them as unique individuals with something to offer me.

All of us are aware that these are hard economic times and many people are experiencing lack. Instead of feeling overwhelmed, I want to encourage you to do something! It doesn't have to be complicated, or time-consuming. It can be as simple as really seeing the poor person in front of you, and giving a smile and a few words of genuine interaction. God considers our care for the poor a personal loan. “He who is kind to the poor lends to the Lord, and the Lord will reward him for what he has done.” (Proverbs 19:17)

Come join us this Sunday at 9:00 AM or 11:00 AM. We will be discussing, “Being Christlike by Giving to the Poor.”

Hope Against Hope

The Summer Olympics are one of my favorite athletic events. In the last few weeks, a number of Olympic trials have been held to determine spots on our Olympic team. Despite the fact that these athletes are the best of the best that our country has to offer, only 2 or 3 of them are selected in each event. The odds of any individual athlete making the Olympic team are so miniscule that it is close to hopeless. Yet every athlete who ends up contending at the Olympics, carries the fire of hope against hope within them, that makes them pursue a medal with everything they have. They patiently persevere for years, practicing many hours a day, constantly challenging themselves to build greater skill and ability.

In some ways, our lives are like an Olympic trial. We must persevere day after day, and often year after year facing one difficulty and challenge after another. Sometimes the odds against us seem overwhelming, and we struggle to find the hope that tomorrow will be a better day.

I am reminded of the story of a young man who was cast out of his family. He ended up in a foreign country working for a government official. He had a good job, but unfortunately the official’s wife tried to hustle him. When he turned her down, she framed him, falsely accusing him of rape. Since he was a foreigner, he ended up in prison with no trial date and no possibility of release. Amazingly, his business and organizational skills made him stand out even in prison, and he was given a position of responsibility with some privileges.

Over the course of several years he met many prisoners, one of whom worked for the head of state of that country. When that prisoner was released, he promised the young man he would make some contacts about getting his case reviewed. However several years went by, and the young man did not hear from his former friend. I think you would agree with me, that at that point the young man had every right to throw his hands up in despair and say, “What's the use? I quit!” But he didn't and his situation did change. In the end he came out of prison and ended up as a chief advisor to that head of state.

While that may sound like a storyline for a Hollywood movie, is actually the true story of a young man in the Bible named Joseph. Every time a little bit of sunshine came into his situation, another dark cloud of challenge pounded him down. Yet he still persevered on. What gave him this hope against hope? He had received a promise from God years before about his life, and he held fast to that word.

Joseph knew the truth of Hebrews 6:18–19: “It is impossible for God to lie, and we who have fled to God for refuge have strong encouragement to hold fast the hope that is set before us. We have this hope as a sure and steadfast anchor for our soul.” The apostle Paul put it this way: “I'm still not all I should be, but I am focusing all my energy on this one thing: Forgetting the past, and looking forward to what lies ahead, I strain to reach the end of the race and receive the prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us to heaven.” (Philippians 3:13–14)

God has a promise about your destiny and purpose that will fill you with the hope against hope that overcomes every challenge and perseveres to the end. Ask Him for wisdom and He will reveal it to you.

Come join us this Sunday morning at 9:00 AM or 11:00 AM. We are beginning a new series entitled, “Growing in Christlike Character,” and this week we are focusing on, “Growing in Christlike Character through Trials.”

Adolescence: Jekyll or Hyde?

If you are the parent of a teenager, that title probably sounds spot on. Teenagers can be such a study in contrasts from day to day, and even hour to hour. We are all familiar with the famous story of Jekyll and Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson. It's the story of a split personality, the mild-mannered Dr. Jekyll who drinks a potion and becomes the wild, reckless Mr. Hyde. Most parents of teenagers, at one time or another, wonder what happened to their “sweet little boy or girl,” who is now often someone they barely recognize.

Surveys done with parents of teenagers, indicate that the most common areas of concern are: teenagers’ negative attitude and lack of respect for parent, teenager doesn't want to participate in family activities, and fails to comply with parents’ rules. Interestingly, surveys done with teenagers indicate their most common difficulties with parents are: too much parental control, parent doesn't listen or respect my opinion, parent is overprotective and invades my privacy.

Parents often complain that their child is a “moving target.” One day their teen seems ready to accept some adult-like responsibility, and the next day they have regressed to a more childlike state. It's difficult to know which person they are going to encounter at any given time. Emotionally, their teen extends and withdraws invitations for interaction like a bouncing ball, leaving parents feeling hassled in a constant push–pull relationship.

Instead of becoming angry, anxious, or nursing hurt feelings, parents would do well to remember that their teen wants to separate and discover their own identity, and wonders if they can survive the need to push away and become their own person. It's an intense inner struggle with powerful conflicting feelings, that often result in teens sending mixed signals to parents.

Instead of reacting by asserting arbitrary control and repressive restrictions, parents will get further by showing their teen respect and continuing to find positive ways to affirm them. If you're a parent, ask yourself, how would I want to be treated if I were my teen? Be honest with yourself. Are you willing to listen to your teen's point of view, even if it is very different from your own? Are you too controlling? For example are you drawing battle lines over trivial matters such as  clothing, hairstyle or the color of fingernails? Do you allow your child a reasonable degree of privacy?

Teens need both acceptance and correction, but it's important to spend your energy on areas that are truly important, for example, their health and safety. Learn to discuss your expectations with your teen, and always give them your reasons for having those expectations. Although you, of course, have the final say, be prepared to listen respectfully to your child's opinion. Always affirm what you can support in what they are saying. This acknowledges to them that you see their growing wisdom and maturity, which is an all-important validation in their ongoing struggle to find their own identity. It puts you both on the same side of the equation, instead of creating an adversarial relationship.

While Scripture affirms parental authority in the home, it warns parents against excessive criticism and punitive control. “Fathers do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged. Do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” (Colossians 3:21; Ephesians 6:4)

Adolescence is a difficult time, but it doesn't have to be a negative time for either parents or their teens. It can be a time of positive growth for both.

Come join us this Sunday at 9:00 AM or 11:00 AM. Our special guest speaker is Winkie Pratney, an international evangelist and writer from Auckland, New Zealand with a lifetime experience of working with teenagers and young adults.

Through Your Father's Eyes

I remember several things from my childhood about my father. One is that he was an excellent provider. Although he was a pastor, he worked on the side as a dental technician. That additional occupation provided our family a second income and a comfortable standard of living. He was an industrious person and modeled for me the value work. He was also a stickler about time. He always told me, “Che, be prompt and never keep another person waiting. That is the height of disrespect.” I don't think I ever saw my father late to any appointment or event.

I definitely “caught” those two life values from my father. I have always been involved in multiple activities that provide more than one source of income for my family. And I am a very punctual person. I'm never late. In a significant way, the world I now live in, I learned through my father's eyes.

What world did you inherit “through your father's eyes?” I was surprised to discover recently that research on the impact fathers have on their children is a relatively new field. The importance of mothers, of course, has been known for centuries, and much research has been conducted on the influence mothers have on their children. But fathers also make a significant contribution to their children's emotional and psychological health.

Research indicates that mother's interactions with children focus more on nurturing and comforting while fathers tend to stimulate, encourage and challenge their children. Even in infancy, babies whose fathers actively play with them are more confident, bolder and explore their environment more eagerly. Even the stimulating, roughhouse type of play that mothers feel gets children too excited before bedtime, is beneficial to children. Research shows that children engaged in this type of play with their fathers, learn to regulate their feelings and behavior, and over time develop better self-control.

Children whose fathers are actively involved with them as they grow older, display accelerated cognitive development, have higher tested IQs, earn higher grades in school, and go further in their formal education. Starting with simple self-help skills when their children are young, fathers spend more time challenging their children to learn, expecting them to master tasks, and teaching them to be responsible. This influence results in children who are more independent, more motivated to achieve, and have higher self-esteem than children who do not have this type of father input.

Both sons and daughters learn very important things about their role in life and marriage from their fathers. Sons develop an image of what it means to be an adult male who accepts responsibility, is able to make commitments to others and keep them, and treats women with respect and affection. Daughters learn to respect themselves, to know they can make their way in the world, and what qualities to look for in a potential mate.

God understands that we get our view of the world through our father’s eyes. That's why he has taken the role of Heavenly Father for all who will accept His offer of love and salvation through Jesus Christ. He wants to give to each one of us an understanding of who we are through His eyes. We are deeply loved and so highly valued that no price was too dear to restore us to a relationship with Him.

On this Father's Day, if you are a father, realize how incredibly important you are in creating the world your children will live in. And no matter who you are, take a few minutes and see yourself and your world through your Heavenly Father's eyes.

Come join us this Father's Day at 9:00 AM or 11:00 AM. We will be discussing “The Christlike Father,” another in our series, “Christlike Families.”

My Other Half?

We have all heard married people refer to their spouse as “my other half,” or “my better half.” And many single people feel like they are only half a person, waiting to find “their other half.” But is that really true? Are singles only half a person?

Increasingly, more Americans find themselves in the search for “the other half.” There are nearly 97,000,000 unmarried Americans, 61% of whom have never been married before. As a pastor, I've talked with many unmarried people, those who have never married and those who have been previously married. I find that there are 5 very common misconceptions that single people have about their current life situation.

“I can't have a full life without a partner. I need a partner to complete me.” This is probably the single most common misconception I hear. While a partner provides important companionship, no human being can complete us. We find our true identity and fulfillment in life in an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. Jesus told His disciples, “I have come to give you abundant life.” (John 10:10b) We are told in Colossians 2:10: “You have been given fullness in Christ, who is the head over every power and authority.”

“I can't find my life purpose till I find my life partner.”  Many singles put their life literally on hold, feeling they can’t move ahead until they find a marriage partner. But each of us is a unique whole individual to God. And He gives us the assurance that He is working out a destiny that He has prepared for us. (Ephesians 2:10) We can began walking in that destiny as a single person, and enjoy an exciting and meaningful life.

“All the good potential marriage partners are already taken.”  Many singles, who say they are waiting to find “Mr. or Ms. Right,” are really looking for “Mr. or Ms. Perfect.” They've established a set of standards that no human being can ever attain. We need to remember we are not marrying Jesus Christ, but another human being. That person will have qualities that we love and flaws that frustrate us, just like we do. Marriage is not a matter of getting what we want, but loving what we get!

“I need someone to make me happy.”  I always get uneasy when I hear a single say this because I know that no partner can meet this type of demand. If another person is the focus of our happiness, we will find ourselves feeling disappointed and discontent. Only an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ can bring us continuing joy and happiness. (Nehemiah 8:10; Psalm 28:7) This is equally true whether we are single or married, so you can be happy while you're still single.

“If I were married, I would feel secure, knowing I won't be deserted.”  This is an erroneous assumption. Currently the divorce rate is at 50%. But let's assume that your marriage is loving and long-lasting. No one is going to be there for you forever. Death happens to all of us and it will happen to you or your spouse. Only God will never desert you or forsake you. (Joshua 1:5)

Marriage can provide wonderful companionship, but as a single person you can be complete, have purpose and destiny, and be happy and secure. Seek intimacy with Jesus Christ. He wants to give you a fulfilled and wonderful life now.

Come join us this Sunday at 9:00 AM or 11:00 AM. Our topic is “Christlike Singles,” and is part of our current series on “Christlike Families.”

The GODfather

An old, white haired man sits in a metal chair in the front yard of a Sicilian villa. It appears to be about midday and he just sits there quietly. Suddenly he grabs at his chest in apparent pain, wrenches forward, and falls out of the chair onto the dirt. No one rushes to his assistance. No one cries over his demise. As the lights slowly dim, the familiar strains of a haunting theme song are heard in the background.

Almost everyone will recognize that as a description of the final scene in Godfather III. Michael Corleone, once the most powerful Mafia Don in New York, dies as a recluse, alone and forgotten, self-exiled in Sicily. For decades he ruled: the Corleone family as its violent, ruthless Godfather. He took brutal revenge on anyone he perceived as his enemy, including family members, and disowned people he felt crossed him, even his own wife.

The Corleone family is a dog eat dog system filled with anger, pride, betrayal, and focused on greed, wealth and the acquisition of power at all cost. It's a place where everyone keeps watch over their shoulder, and no one is safe, not even children. There is no room for individuality, creativity, or differences of opinion. The Godfather’s will is all-pervasive and governs everyone's life.

Contrast the Corleone family with this family. A father has 2 sons and his younger son, who is quite full of himself, decides he wants to go “do his own thing.” He is so self-centered and brash that he goes to his father, demanding him to finance the venture by giving him his inheritance in advance. Although the father can predict the outcome, he calmly grants his son the request. He respects his young son enough to allow him to make his own decisions, and doesn't force his will upon him.

The younger son moves to a major city and immediately begins living “the high life.” He has a luxurious penthouse apartment, wears designer clothes, is chauffeured in a limo, and always has a beautiful woman draped on his arm. Things couldn't be better and life couldn't be sweeter! He never thinks about his father, thanks him or even returns his phone calls.

Eventually the son runs out of money, friends, clothes, and wheels. He is homeless, and eats his meals at a local rescue mission. The only job he can get is night janitor at seedy nightclub. He spends his time sweeping broken glass, mopping up spilled beer, and cleaning vomit out of the latrines. He has lots of time to think about home, and to realize how good he had it when he was living there.

He decides to return home, determined to be grateful for the most menial job in the family business. Can you imagine how this son would be welcomed by the Corleone family? He’d probably be shot at first sight! But this father has a different idea of what being a father is all about. In fact he is been looking and eagerly waiting for his younger son to return every day. When he sees his son walking up the driveway, he runs to him and embraces him, kissing him repeatedly. Without reservation, this father immediately reinstates his son to his former place in the family and throws a big party to welcome him home.

Many of you have heard this story before. It's referred to as the Prodigal Son, and was told by Jesus to help us understand how Father God, the true GODfather loves each one of us, and welcomes us to His family. (Luke 15:11–32)

Let me ask you a question. Which Godfather would you prefer to have?

Come join us this Sunday at 9:00 AM or 11:00 AM. We will continue our discussion on “The Christlike Family,” and discover the type of family created by the true GODfather.

All in the Family?

Just what is a family? It sounds like a simple enough question, but these days the answer may not be so straightforward. Back in the 1950s and 1960s when Leave It to Beaver and Father Knows Best were popular TV shows, it was easy to identify the family. There was a father, who was a breadwinner, and a mother, who was a homemaker, and usually several children, all living under one roof. While the ghost of that family constellation may still linger with us, today less than 15% of American families fit that model.

Our current divorce rate is twice as high as it was in 1966, and 3 times as high as it was in 1950. The number of single mothers and their dependent children is 3 times more than it was in 1960, and 1 in 3 children is born out of wedlock. Today married couples make up barely 50% of the households in the United States, down 25% since 1970, and over half those married couples do not have children. A quarter of all American adults are single and live alone.

The family used to be viewed as a safe haven where members could experience some degree of security and protection from outside forces. Parents were generally considered wise and capable enough to resolve the minor conflicts that arose within the family. On today's TV reality shows it’s sometimes difficult to determine who are the children and who are the parents, at least by their behavior. Minor family conflicts have now escalated into adultery, incest rape, alcoholism and drug addiction.

The family experience of some children is anything but what might be considered typical. Many children, 1.5 million to be exact, have one or both parents incarcerated in prison. The average age of these children is 8 years old, and quarter of them are under the age of 5 years. Currently half a million children are placed in foster care and only 25% of those are living with a relative. One half of these children are never reunited with their parents, and 53% of them spend more than one year in foster care.

These statistics hardly represent the image God had in mind when He instituted the family. Scripture makes it clear that God's design for the family involved marital fidelity, mutually loving and respectful relationships between husband-and-wife, and a protective, encouraging environment for children. (Genesis 2:22–24; Ephesians 5:22–6:4; 1 Peter 3:1–7) in fact, God originally intended that the family would provide an accurate representation of His relationship with us as a loving Heavenly Father and His children.

What are all the situations that are included in your family? No matter what condition your family is in, God wants to heal your relationships, and restore them wherever that is possible. He wants to give you a hope about your future relationships as well. He is the God of all comfort and desires to restore peace and joy to you and all your family members.

Please join us this Sunday at 9:00 AM or 11:00 AM, as we look at all that is contained in the family as God designed it. This is our second installment in our current series, “The Christlike Family.”